BEEP BEEP

Question and Answer session:

Q: "Mama, why do you have to take your foot off the accelerator every time you talk?"

A: "I'm not."



Q: "Mama, where are we going and how long will we be gone?"

A: "We have a lot of errands to run."



Q: "The light is green, you can go now."

A: "oh.."


OMFGG (Oh My Fucking Goodness Gracious)

I was awakened at 7:30 this morning because "we had a lot of errands to run", not really being clear on where we were going or for how long, I tried not to be so rude as to insist on the details of my day.

We went to Columbia today. The capital of South Carolina and where all of the action is. We got a honey baked ham for family Thanksgiving, we went to Bed Bath and Beyond, we had lunch with a friend of the family who wanted to visit with me before I left (S&S Cafeteria so I could get my turnips and liver and chocolate pie), we went to a wine store (red dots signify where you can buy alcoholic beverages, they call them red dot stores - they close at 7:00 p.m. every night and are never open on Sundays, you cannot buy wine at the grocery store or anywhere else on Sunday - there are very active blue laws in effect but much less strict than when I was younger), we went to the Federal Credit Union, and then we went to a woman's house to pick up a coconut cake that my mother had ordered from a friend of a friend and then we went to Piggly Wiggly to get the turkey and some more eats for the company that is about to descend upon this house.

My mother wore me out, I was exhausted, in a very pissy mood and pretending to fine. I am only here for a short bit so I need to not be so bitchy.

The weather has been stupendous, the leaves are still stunning but today, it rained all day in Columbia. Every errand resulted in us getting drenched and every place we went, I looked a bit disheveled and I happened to be wearing one of the ponchos I just made. Every single place we went and everyone who was present was introduced to me and after a brief synopsis of my life's story, they were asked how they liked my poncho and could they believe that I just made it and that I was visiting from California and she was so happy I was home and she didn't want me to go and when could she get me back out here...... Believe me when I tell you southerners go on and on and on..........or at least my family does.

I noticed the glazed eyes and the pretend smiles while many of them asked me about my poncho as they pretended to be so very interested: "yes....it is cute.......are they back in style?" or "how in the world did you make that!" or "you are so talented!".

It was finally time to head home (over an hour away) and my sweet mother realized she didn't have her cell phone. Now, this woman is the queen of real estate where we live, so .......she needs her phone. We had to find it.

We back tracked to every store and I volunteered to run in and ask if they had found a phone, several of the stores were nice enough to pick up their phone and dial my mother's number to see if we could hear the runaway ring. About five places back, at the wine store, is where the little bugger was found. By this time, well, picture what a dressed woman looks like after a fireman has practiced his hose skills on her. Not pretty anymore!!!

That was my day.

I don't know, maybe it is just me, but when the fucking light turns green, that is usually a clue that you need to proceed forward............but noooooooooo.........not here.........it is cause for contemplating moving forward. I have yet to hear one horn blow. Not one single horn. Heaven forbid I should get behind the wheel, I am so used to beeping and honking and yelling and hand gestures.........well,,.........it takes some getting used to, it does, it truly does.


I AM TRYING>>>>>>>>>>>I AM TRYING SOOOOOO HARD